Week 22: Legion Donner

Much has been made of the rogue submarine that is Hearts FC, but it is Das Rangers who continue to sink further, seemingly without a rudder, into the murky depths of the 'Sea of Inadequacy' after Paul Le Guen's 'side' were held to a 1-1 draw with St. Mirren at Ibrox. Naturally, the press pooches were showing off their yellowing, slightly rotten teeth and were all too willing to put the boot in. "Being out-played for long stretches by an injury-hit St Mirren side playing with only one player up front is not something a team with title-hopes should suffer, so it's just as well Rangers have long-since shelved this aspiration," mocked Alan Pattullo in The Scotsman. The Herald's Darryl Broadfoot reckoned Rangers' performance "against a sprightly St Mirren re-emphasised a chronic lack of heart, courage and character within [the] squad", while Gavin Berry of the Sunday Mail watched "yet another dismal domestic display" and an "inept performance" from the home side. However, it was The Sunday Times' Simon Buckland who summed up matters with a flourish: "No turning of the corner for Rangers, just a few more steps down what is increasingly looking like the wrong road. When Her Majesty has finished touching the sword on Sir David Murray’s shoulders, the Rangers chairman might need to ask whether he can borrow it for Paul Le Guen to fall on. The New Year honours at Ibrox went to St Mirren."

With Rangers adrift and without much air in their tanks, you would think that Celtic would be cruising on the gentle current of success, but Gordon Strachan's side continue to be as convincing as Sean Connery's accent in 'The Hunt for Red October' after another poor showing in their 1-1 draw with Motherwell at Fir Park. Rodger Baillie in the Sunday Times thought Celtic "were dreadful for long spells", and "they can’t hide the problems at the back and front of their side right now". Glenn Gibbons in the Scotsman agreed, noting "the Parkhead side's current tendency towards pedestrianism, carelessness and general lifelessness suggests only forthcoming danger and possible ignominy." Scary stuff.

Talking of ignominy, Hibernian manager John Collins borrowed the Queen's sword to give goalkeeper Zbigniew Malkowski the chop for his side's 2-0 win over Dunfermline at Easter Road. Disappointingly, Darren Johnstone in the Sunday Herald seemed to be using his Boxing Day template when he noted "if this had been a boxing contest, the match would have been over long before referee Iain Brines blew the final whistle. But Dunfermline were not the only ones to be left on the ropes." Darren was also moved enough to note "the difference between a side challenging for the chance to play Champions League football and one fighting for SPL survival was so vast you almost felt pity for the visitors as their endeavour proved fruitless." Sadly, there was a similar lack of fruit about Hearts and Kilmarnock's goalless draw at Tynecastle. Ron McKay in the Sunday Herald thought "with better final balls and more accurate striking it could have swung either way but, in truth, neither team deserved to win", while the Scotsman's Mike Aitken reckoned "there was enough endeavour and enthusiasm evident in this performance from Hearts to add weight to the conviction that better times are around the corner for the Tynecastle club in 2007." Can't wait.

Elsewhere Dundee United continued their recent remarkable, almost Faustian, progress with a 3-1 win over Aberdeen at Tannadice and Falkirk got the better of Inverness CT in a 3-1 home win. Both of these matches inspired absolutely no worthwhile comment. If only, it could always be so.