Week 21: There is no great genius without a tincture of madness

So soon? Yes, sadly there's no rest for the wicked during the SPL's Christmas bileathon of games, although judging by some of the copy slopped out by sportswriters over the period, many could do with a rest. Step forward, everyone's favourite wordhumper, The Times' Phil Gordon, who watched Celtic come back from two goals down to draw with Dundee United at Celtic Park. Let's consider his opening in full: "Shunsuke Nakamura might resemble a flyweight, but the little man from Japan went the distance yesterday to summon up a sublime goal that helped Celtic to come off the ropes and kept his side’s unbeaten home record intact." A boxing metaphor on Boxing Day is bad enough, but take away the hackneyed 'went the distance' and 'against the ropes' crap and you're still left with a big bucket of journalistic poo. Sadly, Nakamura, according to FIFA's web site is 5'10 and 69kg, meaning that if he ever was to the rather rash step of climbing into a boxing ring, it would be at the Super Welterweight division with the likes of Oscar De La Hoya. In fact, when has Nakamura ever, even slightly, resembled a 'little man' or a 'flyweight'? Later in his report, Gordon also refers to the Japanese international as "elfin" which is about the oddest adjective used to descibe a footballer, ever. Thankfully Gordon Strachan made no reference to small, magical creatures when describing Nakamura's contribution to the game, but he did label him as "a genius, a true genius", as opposed to those pretend geniuses like Phil 'Tolkien' Gordon. Glenn Gibbons in The Scotsman gave a more candid view of the home side's overall showing: "Celtic gave an engrossing demonstration of a precious propensity for escaping undefeated from matches in which they have played for only a fraction of the 90 minutes," said Gibbons, without recourse to crap analogies.

Talking of waste, and its lazy live-in lover, space, Filip Sebo put in another anodyne showing in Rangers' latest humiliation on their travels, as Paul Le Guen's side lost 2-1 away to Inverness CT. The game was "a gruesome reminder of Rangers' dreadful deficiencies" and their "masochistic propensity" according to The Herald's Darryl Broadfoot, while Alan Pattullo of The Scotsman thought the performance "supplied vivid evidence of [Rangers'] frailties". Frank Gilfeather in The Times, who appears to go to more football games than can be healthy, thought the win was "no more than the home side deserved as they had dominated much of a game that drifted away from Rangers".

Another team drifting away is Dunfermline who lost 2-0 at home to Motherwell on Wednesday, and appear to be losing their chance of surviving in the SPL. "The Fifers were a sad bunch to watch," lamented The Herald's Ryan Taylor. "They ran out of ideas until all that remained was disconnected individualism," continued Samuel Beckett, although curiously Kevin McCarra used the same 'disconnected individualism' phrase in a piece in the Guardian about Manchester United last week. Only possible conclusion: great minds alike do think.

Another great mind in the SPL is undoubtedly Hibernian's Dean Shiels, who after scoring a penalty to level matters in Hib's eventual 3-2 defeat to Hearts at Tynecastle, decided to celebrate by flooring Hearts goalkeeper Craig Gordon in one of the most bizarre moments seen on a football pitch this year, not including the debut of that minotaur who played for St. Mirren. Barry Anderson in the Edinburgh Evening News thought it was a "moment of insanity"; Barry Johnston in The Times tagged it as "an incomprehensible barge"; but the Daily Record's Gary Ralston showed his caring side and stood up for Sheils, believing it to be "an incident that owed as much to emotional over-exuberance at netting in front of his own support and chasing the ball for a quick re-start as it did to any pre-meditated malice." Nevertheless it was all part of the fun which Mike Aitken in the Scotsman thought was "a breathless, ferociously competitive Edinburgh derby", and Ralston reckoned "was one of the most absorbing games ever held between [the teams]", because, of course, he has been to every one.

Sadly the best adjective I could find to describe St Mirren's 1-0 home win over Falkirk was "gritty", but there was certainly more entertainment in Aberdeen, where the home side beat Kilmarnock 3-1. Scott Davie from The Scotsman watched "an all-round dazzling display from the home side", while the Daily Record's Euan McArthur reported that "the Dons dismantled lacklustre Killie in some style". Man of the match was Dons debutant Chris Maguire, who Aberdeen assistant manager Jimmy Nicoll reckoned after the game is the most talented young player he has ever worked with. Whether he can become a "true genius", only time and a move to League One as a free agent willl tell.