Week 20: The season of goodwill...and headbutts

"Pantomimes and comedy performances are, of course, a given at this time of year. It is even a cliche to talk in such terms when reviewing football on the run in to Christmas." Hang on a minute, what's this? At first glance, it looks like a member of the Scottish football press engagng in some critical reflection; a desire to fashion their work in original terms; a rare doggy paddle in the little-known pool of lucidity. That's it then. The end. My work here is done. Saddle up the horses Pedro, we're movi...No, hold the ponies, the Sunday Herald's Dave Hammond had something else to say about Dunfermline and Inverness CT's 0-0 draw at East End Park. Let's start again. "Pantomimes and comedy performances are, of course, a given at this time of year. It is even a cliche to talk in such terms when reviewing football on the run in to Christmas but rarely could a referee at this level have contributed so completely to a staged farce." Pedro!!! Put that tent down, we're not going anywhere.

And why would we, when we could savour the meaty juices of Rangers' 2-1 win over Aberdeen at Pittodrie which Michael Grant of the Sunday Herald thought was a "pulsating throwback of a clash, worthy of the compelling history between this pair". However, much like a Sunday morning spent reading reports of football matches, The Observer's Patrick Glenn felt it was a "90 minutes that produced only short passages of inventiveness and penetration", while Gordon Waddell in the Sunday Mail reckoned that "not for the first time [Aberdeen] let a Pittodrie full-house down when it mattered most." Scotland On Sunday's Gary Sutherland probably summed up the game best, if with a hint of unnecessary violence: "It was not the case that Rangers were vastly superior on a wintry blue north-east day, but they had succeeded in sticking the knife in - then twisting it - long before the first half was over." Ouch.

There was also a bit of pain for Neil Lennon in the closing minutes of Celtic's 1-0 win over Falkirk at Celtic Park, as the half-man, half-fox hybrid snarled his way to a red card, after being accused of diving, which is quite amusing in itself. Still, the press pack weren't that bothered about the 'headbutt' or, more accurately, the 'headrub', but Lennon's throwing of the captain's armband as he left the field seems to have irked them a lot more as they charged the event with symbolism, which in reality, it simply didn't have. The best quote about the Celtic captain's little strop came from Natasha Woods in the The Sunday Herald who thought the incident would come "at a significant cost to his dignity and reputation". Even Pedro thought that one was funny. Strangely, most of the press noted that Kenny Miller's penalty miss, and his failure to score in 11 consecutive appearances for the Hula boys, equalled Harald Brattbakk's disasterous run in 1998. What a bizarre statistic, and odder still that almost every press poochie rolled it out like they had come up with it themselves.

Elsewhere, St. Mirren were "comprehensively derailed by John Collins's Easter Road express" according to trainspotter Mike J Wilson in Scotland On Sunday, as Hibernian romped to a 5-1 win at Easter Road. Wilson also seems to have spent a part ofthe game swooning over the Hibernian manager, who he thought was "looking lean, professional and polished on the touchline". Tasty. Motherwell grabbed a rare 2-1 away win over Kilmarnock at Rugby Park, a game Ron McKay of the Sunday Herald summed up as "a grim and thrawn encounter", 'thrawn' meaning misshapen or crooked for those of you not schooled in the Scots language, which is probably everyone, apart from Ron McKay.

Finally, Le Cirque des Hearts, edged a 1-0 win over Dundee United at Tannadice. What do you buy the megliomaniac who has everything this Christmas? Hopefully a one-way ticket home. Merry Christmas everyone.